Strength, Courage, and Wisdom

I’ve been back in London just over a month

And I’ve been feeling depressed and frustrated

And my energy levels are like a yo-yo.

One day I’m raring to go

And the next I can barely get out of bed

And I’m like

What’s the deal?! 

I’m eating well, I’m exercising, I’m meditating...

Why does it still not feel right?! 

And I realized, 

After coffee with a lovely friend,

Who inspires me because she is down to earth

And talented

And successful

And still a wonderful person,

That the reason I have been feeling so 

Bleurgh

Is because I haven’t been following my heart

I’ve been slogging away

Working long hours and only just covering my bills,

Barely, 

And submitting myself for agents

And getting endlessly rejected

And feeling like I’m not the 

Right Type

Because I am female and I have short hair and any other myriad of reasons of why

I am Not Suitable 

And at the same time 

Reading about women in the media

And becoming more and more aware

That the media has no idea how to portray women

Or anyone who isn’t a white male

And I’m trying so hard to be in this system

And understanding that

The System is All Wrong

Because women, and anyone who isn’t a white male,

Are not represented adequately in politics or on television or in the press or anywhere that has a say in how the world is run

And I had this epiphany!

WHAT AM I DOING?!?!

I came to London to follow my heart and my dreams and to be happy dammit! 

And here I am 

Struggling and feeling miserable and frustrated

And THIS WILL NOT DO.

So. As of right this minute! I am saying

I am DONE with The System.

I’m writing my own words. I’m following my own path. 

And I CARE NOT! if it’s not “the right way” or “the way it’s supposed to be done” or "not what women in their late twenties are supposed to be doing”

It’s my life

And it’s now or never.

I ain’t gonna live forever! 

So I’m taking a deep breath

And taking the path less traveled (by me)

And I’m going to 

Trust my instincts

And fly confidently in the direction of my dreams. 

The end.