In Memoriam

Ruth 

I met Ruth exactly two years ago today

Give or take a few days 

We were in New York before camp

Visiting Aaron’s family.

As a couple, we were still kind of new then - 

Even though we’d been together for a year

Most of it had been long distance - 

Everyone met at Jake and Ruth’s apartment

Pictures of times gone by

Baby Aaron. Baby cousins. Weddings and celebrations and friends and lives lived

Richly.

And then we went out to dinner somewhere uptown 

Most of the family gathered, a few key branches were not in the city

I was excited because the Tony Awards were uptown that year

And we could see the barricades and television trucks setting up from the restaurant 

Ruth was already elderly 

Already in the late stages of alzheimer’s 

But she smiled the whole evening

Seemed happy to see her family gathered 

Jake hardly said a word

But I knew I’d been accepted when, towards the end of the meal

He ate food right off my plate 

And two years later

Aaron and I are married 

And on the way to living in New York 

We’re still new in a way 

But together forever now 

We were on our way to Richmond

When we received the sad news

That Ruth had passed away

We drove to New York

Exhausted from twelve days on the road

And were greeted by the family

My first full family dinner 

With my American family 

The thrill of everyone being together

Tempered by the fact that the 

Matriarch was missing 

A joyful meal in her memory

Lobster and plates upon plates of Chinese dishes from Chinatown 

And today, the funeral

We drove to Dobbs Ferry 

Saw Ruth’s body dressed in a white shroud, 

Resting in a plain wooden coffin 

She looked peaceful, just sleeping. 

Family and friends gathered

Stories shared 

Tears and tissues 

The laughter of shared stories remembered 

A kind and loving matriarch

A teacher who worked professionally before children and marriage 

A wonderful cook 

A beloved friend 

A gutsy socialist who believed in better for all 

The funeral procession up to the cemetery 

The coffin lowered into the earth

The Rabbi (female) leading the kaddish

Religious tradition providing a framework

Comforting custom 

Helping to bury the dead

Ruth's final resting place

Overlooking a valley of trees 

One of the most beautiful I've seen 

In the afternoon

More eating, of course 

I sat next to Jake, who ate right off my plate

The family gathered in celebration of their mom 

And grandmother 

I didn’t get to know Ruth during her life

But today I feel like I have a better sense of who she is 

Who she was 

My place in this as her grandson’s wife

The changing of the guard 

Picking up where she left off 

Carrying on her legacy 

Education and travel and experience 

A love of food, a love of people, a love of life

I grew up a world away

And yet, I feel at home with this family 

Sitting with them in their grief

And memories

And love