It's a Privilege to Pee

Tonight
I had dinner with a dear friend
We had delicious pasta
And banoffee pie
And several beverages
It was marvelous

He lives in the south of London
I live in the north
It took me a while to get home
By the time I got to Green Park
And changed from the Victoria Line
To the Jubilee Line
I was busting for the loo
I'm only human
I knew there were toilets at the station
Up two escalators
Down the long corridor
And out of the ticket gates

The toilets were shut
The station staff did not have keys
Or sympathy
They said I must use
The pay toilets

I detest pay toilets
On principle
Charging humans
To pee and poop
Is a failing of mankind

I knew there was a hotel above the station
The entrance
A full block away
The Ritz
Is very fancy
To spend just one night there
Would cost me
Literally two weeks rent

The porters
Late at night
Are thankfully very lovely
"Excuse me, I need to use your restrooms"
"Is it an emergency?"
"It will be."
"This way madam".

And that is how I came
To use the facilities
In one of the fanciest
Most lovely loos
I have ever used in all my twenty-eight years of existence

The end.