Home

If someone had told me

Just two years ago

That I would be living in 

Fort Collins, Colorado

I would have said,

Where?! 

They say home is where the heart is

And yes, my love is here,

But this pretty little town

An hour north of Denver

Population approx 150,000,

Has, in less than two months,

Become home 

I love Old Town

With its multitude of fairy lights

And hipster stores

Selling Tibetan and locally-made crafts

And burgers and pizzas and 

Yoga mats 

I love the Bean Cycle and 

Wolverine Bookstore 

With its shelves of second-hand books

And coffee aroma 

I love City Park

With its rolling green hills

And large sparkling lake

Its waters now frozen and home to 

Impromptu ice hockey games

And ice fishing

And ice skating ducks 

In the summer 

When the water is liquid 

It is filled with paddle boats 

And swimmers 

And cries of joy from the adjacent water slide 

I love cycling to rehearsal 

Down wide streets with designated cycle lanes

And along the Poudre Trail 

Following the bends and turns of the river

Through parkland and forests 

Within a ten to fifteen minutes you are out of suburbia

And into the open expanse of 

Colorado with 

Mountains on the horizon

And nothing but sweeping brown vistas

All around you 

And everywhere you go

Ducks and geese fly in V’s up above

Black dots against heart-breakingly blue sky

The sky is always blue

With an average of 

300 days of sunshine a year 

Every time I catch the silhouette 

Of dark leafless trees against that blue

I gasp

I love the extremes in temperature

One day will see you shivering at -26C/-14F

And the next day will be 12C/53F and you wondered what it was like to feel cold. 

The way the air smells fresh and crisp after snow

And when it’s warm, the scent is tinged with manure from the surrounding farms. 

The way the wind whips down the streets

The way the snow falls

The way the sun shines. 

I love that Craigslist works

We have a lovely handmade coffee table 

And a keyboard

And babysitting gigs 

I love that people interact and connect 

I’ve built more of a community in two months

Than I ever did in two years in London

Every other person brews beer

Keeps bees 

Knits

Fort Collins is full of artists and students and hipsters 

I fit right in. 

I love our farmer’s market

And driving fifteen minutes out of town

To Jodar Farms to buy eggs

And pork and chicken for Aaron

I love the taste of local kale and spinach

And those eggs

With their bright yellow yolks 

And multi-coloured shells. 

I love being here

This unexpected place 

That once, didn’t even know existed

Colorado

From the Spanish, meaning, coloured red,

For now,

My home 

The end.

Two Suitcases

what moving feels like 

The boxes are nearly all packed
My life once again
Reduced to
Two suitcases
(Just about...)

The shelves and rooms
Seem bare

The space I have called
Home
For the past twelve months
Will soon be
Another place
I once lived
An address to remember
When I fill out forms

Right now it's hard to imagine
Sitting in my room
Staring at it all
Right now
It all seems quite real

And in the morning
Time to say
Goodbye, little flat
Goodbye, kitchen table!
Goodbye, stove!
Goodbye, fireplace!
Goodbye, bathroom!
Goodbye, window seat!
Goodbye, view!
Goodbye, room!

Close the door
And turn the key.

The Big Issue

Every week

If I can 

I try and buy 

The Big Issue

I'm struggling myself 

Two-thirds of my paycheck

Is spent on rent

The other third covers

Food, bills, and a weekly train ticket

There's not much left 

If anything

Once it's all paid for 

But I realize 

How lucky I am

To be healthy

To be surrounded by

People who look after me

Treat me to dinner

Or a show

Or even a holiday 

I have a roof over my head

And food in my belly

And in the middle of a recession 

I have a job

That I enjoy

Brings satisfaction

And fun

Even if sometimes

It is exhausting

To be part 

Of the daily slog 

Today between Leicester Sq

And Covent Garden

I passed no less than 9 vendors

In a journey 

That takes 5 minutes by foot 

And I see these vendors

And men and women

Who are homeless 

Literally every. single. day.

People

Who for a myriad of reasons 

Have not been so lucky in life 

And need an extra hand 

And I just wish

I could offer every single one of them

A bed 

A cup of coffee 

Lunch 

A chance 

And if my £2.50 

Can make the tiniest difference

In someone's day

And allow them

To be one step closer 

To their own 

Eudemonia 

It's a difference 

Worth making   

The end. 

An Ode to Willesden Green

Dear Willesden Green
Our time together
Is coming to an end
My lease is just about up
And soon I'll be moving
To another part of London

But before I go
I wanted to say
Thank you

For pretty little flat
The first place
Where I lived alone
Finally had
As I had always desired
A room of my own
With a window seat
Overlooking the rooftops of London
A space where I felt safe
And free to sing
And play flute
And not worry that anybody was listening
The first place where I had the
Luxury of an entire
Fridge and kitchen
And bathroom to myself
Could put utensils
Wherever I wanted them
Arrange the fridge
As I saw fit
Not worry that a flatmate
Was having thirty minute showers
And making me late

Speaking of showers
Willesden Green
The place where I was
Properly introduced
To the reality
Of living in an old city
Where the plumbing
Is antiquated
And the water pressure
On the third floor
Almost non-existent
Particularly when it's freezing outside
And the water pressure
Is intentionally reduced
To stop the pipes from exploding
And I literally
Had to shower in a bucket

Thank you for my park
Hilly and pretty
No matter the season
With its duck pond
And playground
And rose garden
Close enough for quick 4km runs
Big enough for longer runs

Thank you for the plethora of shops
And the library
Even if it often felt dank
And under-loved
For the internet cafe
Always open and
Staffed by lovely Polish immigrants
Who are always smiling

For your proximity to the city
And wonderfully efficient
Jubilee Line
Which one day was experiencing
"Severe delays"
And still had me home
Fifteen minutes later

For being the first home
In my life
That I was able to leave
And come back to
To find it all my things
Just as I had left them

I'll be sad to pack up my suitcases
And say goodbye
But I'm ready
For the next adventure
To begin.

Going Home

So, you move half-way across the world

To be in theatre

And drama school is over and

You find yourself... temping.

Answering phones, writing emails 

Being part of the corporate cog

“Good morning, [insert company name]. One moment please-”

Transfering the call to persons unknown somewhere else in the building

And, for a bit, it was kind of fun. 

Seeing the insides of buildings across London

Meeting new people

A new job every day,

But it was also exhausting 

And a little depressing

So many people are just so unhappy

This daily slog. 

And one day you find yourself back in the theatre,

In front of house

And it was a job you did for seven years

Once upon a time ago.

And walking into your first shift

Even though it’s a whole lifetime/a world away/10,000 miles apart

It’s like coming home

The instant familiarity of it,

The rows of seats 

(A to H, no Row I so as not to confuse people, though this theatre has a Row O)

The smell of hazer

The smell of theatre dust. 

The instant friendship and family that theatre people become

The not insignificant army of people that make a show happen 

Consider before you’ve even sat in your seat

The book writer and composer and orchestrator and director and casting director and agents and actors and choreographer and musical director and musicians and designers and ops and builders and painters and dressers and stage managers and stage door persons and ushers and bar staff and theatre manager and a myriad of people have

Played their part

For the 7.30pm show start 

And the lights go dim

And you watch the audience watching the show

And, like Amelie who turns around in the movie theatre

To see the peoples faces,

You find a joy in watching their expressions

Observing their collective laughs and moments of surprise

And although you still want,

More than anything,

To be up on that stage,

For now, this is lovely.

Being paid to be part of it all

And knowing, at least you’re in your house

And this world

With its strange hours

And lack of sunlight

And legion of folk all trying to 

Make It

And the insistent dedication required to 

Make It Happen

Is the exact world you want to be in.

The end.