The Secret Garden

Up the hill from Bromley Rd

Past the seedy-looking Homebase pond

A house with a whole garden of sunflowers

Taller than a person

The sunflowers as high as an elephant’s eye...

Thick green stems and bright yellow faces

Further up the hill

The park

The largest green space in all of Lewisham

Complete with

A mansion

Ancient woodland

And well-kept grass for playing golf

Around the corner

Tucked away

A secret garden

With raised beds

Filled to the brim and bursting

Enough to make Sondheim’s witch in the woods

Cackle with delight

Parsley, peppers, cabbages and celery

Pumpkin and pansies and artichokes and chives

Thistles and tomatoes and cauliflower and mint

A sensory delight

The traffic builds on Bromley Rd. 

MonuMENt

Men are remembered

As scientists, soldiers

Arists and architects

As political leaders

And heroes 

Women are remembered 

For the care they give men

As mothers and nurses 

And bodies 

In Embankment Park
Every monument is to a man
The one woman
Leans

Bare-breasted, weeping, delicate, sensual, against Sullivan's bust

The High Street

from here

A thoroughfare of cars, pedestrians, and cyclists

And shops
The same stores repeated block by block
Where people pay the equivalent of a month's rent for a pair of shoes
And other people
Sit on the ground 
Outside the glass and concrete
And beg for something to eat, or a cigarette, or change. 

Blue Stockings at The Globe

from here

Suddenly you find yourself

Inside The Globe! 

The detailed recreation

Of what once was 

Shakespeare's playground

There is a feeling of exhilaration

The theatre has been beautifully re-created
The whole thing is utterly stunning
The grand columns
The box seats

The wide open space on the floor for 

The "Groundlings" 

The long and narrow thrust stage

Cutting through the middle 

The floor is concrete

You try to imagine layers of straw and dust and dirt and grime

At the apex of the stage
A balcony,

Its windows closed for now
It seems Juliet could fling them open and lean over the railing and "ah me" at any moment

The boxes right above the stage with their richly coloured frescoes 

You can imagine royalty sitting there

Sitting to be seen 

Even from the position of the pleb

You really can see everybody 

The audience watching each other

Playing a game of being

The audience 

The way you see sky when you look directly up

There's something dramatic about Shakespeare and sky together

The sky is pale blue

Translucent thin whispy clouds
It's the end of the day
Mild, not too hot, not too cold

Tonight's play is called Blue Stockings

Rear centre stage a small drum kit and a music stand
A small balcony above, more music stands, a trumpet, lights for the musicians

(You forgive the modern intrusion)

The columns have been made to look like book shelves

The play is about the fight for women's access to college education

And the fight

At the end of the 19^thC

For the right for women attending college to graduate

There is something tongue-in-cheek

About a feminist play being produced

At the Globe

It is beautifully produced
It is refreshing to see a genuine issue discussed, dissected
The relevance of women's education
The prejudice we faced
Still face

Through the play we see their struggle

And sacrifice

And we are heart broken

It is easy for a modern day, predominantly white, presumably educated audience to laugh at history

“I can’t believe he just said that!!”

Chortle.

But in this year, the year 2013

University fees are so prohibitively expensive

Many will not be able to attend university at all

Last year a teenage girl was shot in the head

For daring to speak out and fight for her right

To an education

And even still, today, right now

Men continue to try and ultimately control women

Deny access to basic human rights

Blue Stockings offers no solutions

Only that we must go on

Must continue learning

For the sake of learning

To inspire great minds

To allow people to go out into the world and achieve their fullest potential

To understand and to dream

I am incredibly aware of the privilege

That has bought me to be standing in the middle of The Globe

One night at the end of summer

The fact that I am a university graduate

With two degrees to my name

The fact I got to go to school at all

Is a fight

That was won

Before I was born

But is still being fought

In a treacherous warzone

History and story-telling

The stories that have resonated throughout

The Globe

To demand an understanding of history

So that we may imagine

The meticulous re-construction

Of a better place

The end. 

A Delightful Day in London

To wander the streets of London
From Holborn through to Lincoln's Inn Fields
Paying homage to the ghost of Charlotte Charke
First female actor-manager
Who in the 18th century wandered these streets
Desperate for work upon the stage

Down the Strand past the Royal Courts of Justice and
Onto Fleet St, where,
Somewhere along this road
Mordecai, relative in time, was arrested
Caught creating counterfeit cash and
Eventually tried at the Old Bailey
And shipped to Australia
The Royal Bank with a waterfall of tropical
Pink, orange, and yellow flowers
Cascading down its cold walls
Impossibly narrow buildings squished between
"Newer" edifications
Stone monuments that seem fairy-tale like with their
Statuesque dragons and winged horses

Down to the Thames
The buildings that grace its banks
The very sites that in themselves are the 

Synecdoche of London
Tower Bridge, St Paul's, The "Shard" 

The latter, still under construction
The city is still being built
Still growing above its labryntine streets
Winding paths that open to secret courtyards, squares, gardens
And ever more winding paths

To walk from Blackfriars as the sun is still rising
To see the world
"Half-way in shadow
And half-way in light"
It really is, as Bert describes,
"Coo, what a sight!"

The city made more real
By the previous experience of it in books, film, television, and art
To be here in the flesh
Wandering the streets of London
Smelling the city
Watching the workers scurrying away
Women in sneakers and stockings
Men in suits and ties
The same brands on nearly every corner

Stone and glass walls built side by side 

It feels like I must be in an elaborate set

Some two thousand years in the making

The end. 

Into the Wild

Tucked away in
The brightly coloured
Hippy quarter of
Covent Garden
Known as
Neal's Yard
Is the wonderful
Wild Food Cafe

They make fabulous food
And sinful smoothies
And it's all
"Healthy"
Full of vitality
And nutrients
And goodness

Today I had a "raw Shepherd's pie"
Which sounds ridiculous
And gross
But it was utterly
Amazing
Finely chopped olives and carrots and peas
With bright orange pumpkin on top
The flavour explosion was
Out of this world

They call their
Chocolate smoothies
With raw cacao and aloe vera and cinnamon
"Ecstasy"
They're not far from the truth

The staff are friendly
The food is amazing
And every time I go there
I feel better
About life

The end.

I'm Still Here

I quit Facebook
And people actually panicked
Lu! Where are you going? 
How will we know what's going on?
WHAT'S WRONG?! 

I'm living life
Further away from my computer
As best I can in this digital age
I'm cooking
Running
Exploring London
Seeing friends
Connecting with people
Reading more books

I've made
Raw zucchini pasta
And pumpkin pie
The FLAVOURS!
I've made cauliflower cous cous
(The cauliflower IS the cous cous
It's amazing!
Have you tried it?
Cinnamon and cauliflower and olive oil
Make the most delicious combination!)
I've made beet and apple and carrot salad
And spent an hour
Cracking nuts
And developing an understanding
Of the true meaning of
"A tough nut to crack"

I've been miserable
And happy
And frustrated
And inspired
And as Eckhart Tolle has guided
I've been here
To witness it all
I just have to remember
I'm still here

The end.

Living in the Country

The Lido

I've moved to
Zone 6
The commute is longer
But oh my
It is worth it!
The 500 year old barn
That houses a library
A skip, hop, and a jump away
Down the road
The Lido
Complete with swans
A beach
And a walking trail
Three sets of ancient woodland
Will soon become my
Running route
And my bedroom
Inside a 400 year old house
Is picture postcard pretty
And quaint
Yoga on the slightly uneven floorboards
Sunlight through the square window
And room to breathe

The end.

Two Suitcases

what moving feels like 

The boxes are nearly all packed
My life once again
Reduced to
Two suitcases
(Just about...)

The shelves and rooms
Seem bare

The space I have called
Home
For the past twelve months
Will soon be
Another place
I once lived
An address to remember
When I fill out forms

Right now it's hard to imagine
Sitting in my room
Staring at it all
Right now
It all seems quite real

And in the morning
Time to say
Goodbye, little flat
Goodbye, kitchen table!
Goodbye, stove!
Goodbye, fireplace!
Goodbye, bathroom!
Goodbye, window seat!
Goodbye, view!
Goodbye, room!

Close the door
And turn the key.

The Big Issue

Every week

If I can 

I try and buy 

The Big Issue

I'm struggling myself 

Two-thirds of my paycheck

Is spent on rent

The other third covers

Food, bills, and a weekly train ticket

There's not much left 

If anything

Once it's all paid for 

But I realize 

How lucky I am

To be healthy

To be surrounded by

People who look after me

Treat me to dinner

Or a show

Or even a holiday 

I have a roof over my head

And food in my belly

And in the middle of a recession 

I have a job

That I enjoy

Brings satisfaction

And fun

Even if sometimes

It is exhausting

To be part 

Of the daily slog 

Today between Leicester Sq

And Covent Garden

I passed no less than 9 vendors

In a journey 

That takes 5 minutes by foot 

And I see these vendors

And men and women

Who are homeless 

Literally every. single. day.

People

Who for a myriad of reasons 

Have not been so lucky in life 

And need an extra hand 

And I just wish

I could offer every single one of them

A bed 

A cup of coffee 

Lunch 

A chance 

And if my £2.50 

Can make the tiniest difference

In someone's day

And allow them

To be one step closer 

To their own 

Eudemonia 

It's a difference 

Worth making   

The end. 

This is Monday

Dinner at Belgos
Where the time you order
Is the amount you pay
For your main
Two mains and a dessert and drinks
For less than £30
In the heart of London
Not bad at all!
And delicious food
With good service
And nice company
Is always welcome

And then going to a new venue
The Arts Theatre
Not new at all
But new to me
To think I walk past it
Every single day and
Wasn't aware of the wonderland inside
Sparkling cupcakes
And hot chocolates with marshmallows
A cosy little theatre
In the West End
Showing
Off-beat work
Hard working actors
And musicians
And crews
Delivering
To half-empty houses

And still the vibe
Is pulsing
And strong

And tomorrow
Promises to be warm
The end.

It's a Privilege to Pee

Tonight
I had dinner with a dear friend
We had delicious pasta
And banoffee pie
And several beverages
It was marvelous

He lives in the south of London
I live in the north
It took me a while to get home
By the time I got to Green Park
And changed from the Victoria Line
To the Jubilee Line
I was busting for the loo
I'm only human
I knew there were toilets at the station
Up two escalators
Down the long corridor
And out of the ticket gates

The toilets were shut
The station staff did not have keys
Or sympathy
They said I must use
The pay toilets

I detest pay toilets
On principle
Charging humans
To pee and poop
Is a failing of mankind

I knew there was a hotel above the station
The entrance
A full block away
The Ritz
Is very fancy
To spend just one night there
Would cost me
Literally two weeks rent

The porters
Late at night
Are thankfully very lovely
"Excuse me, I need to use your restrooms"
"Is it an emergency?"
"It will be."
"This way madam".

And that is how I came
To use the facilities
In one of the fanciest
Most lovely loos
I have ever used in all my twenty-eight years of existence

The end.

Liza Minnelli

I didn't allow myself to get excited
Her reputation
Precedes her
Canceling, forgetting lyrics, swallowing words
But tonight
In her signature sparkling black top
That shimmered and reflected light
And almost seemed to be electricfied
Liza Minnelli
Was radiant

Her speaking voice
Is not just breathy
It's breathless
She seems barely able to string a sentence together
And then she sings
Sure the top notes aren't quite there anymore
But the richness in her voice
The undeniable "Liza" tone
The timbre so full
So present
It's phenomenal

They talk of
Living legends
And truly
She is one

In just under two weeks
This living legend will be 67
She's frailer than she used to be
Apologized for sitting for much of the concert
But the audience didn't mind
When she sang, honestly
Magic happened
She seemed somehow younger
The way she can tell a story through song
Transport you worlds away
With her voice
The simplest gesture
The audience erupted after
Every single number
And the applause wasn't gratuitous

In the same way that her mother
Never escaped the rainbow
Liza will never escape the cabaret
But you get the sense
She's happiest there
It's where she grew up
It's where her family,
Literal and accumulated,
Come from
And her gratitude to the audience
Felt genuine and real

The final encore
Every single person was already on their feet
And it was just
Liza in a spotlight
Singing acapella
The hush that fell over the crowd
Oh, that voice!
And right before the final note
A whispered
Thank you
And the audience melted
Audibly gasped
And we cheered in response
And Liza bowed
And walked into the wings

The end.

A Chorus Line

I first saw A Chorus Line when I was ten years old. It was the first musical I ever saw live. We had a spare ticket and I remember standing outside the theatre with Mum trying to give the ticket away. We ended up giving it to a lovely lady who had to find a pay phone to tell someone at home she would be late. The next thing I remember is sitting in the theatre, the lady offering me some chocolate, and then the theatre going pitch black. I grabbed Mum's hand because I was scared. The opening refrain, the mirrors shimmering into view, and then, "A 5-6-7-8!" I was transfixed, transported, and utterly sure of what I wanted to do when I grew up.

How does a ten year old from Sydney's leafy North Shore resonate with a musical about struggling dancers in New York? What was it that grabbed me? The swearing and many of the stories went way over my head. I liked Diana. I liked her because the girl playing her had been my Mum's student. I also liked her because she had a good monologue, and because I too was not genetically disposed toward bobsleds. I liked the "tits and ass" girl because she was blunt and straight forward and no nonsense, (Years later I was walking down Park Ave in NYC, and the line "Park and 73rd" kept ringing in my ears, and it cracked me up when I realized where it was from. Is the Good Doctor still working to take flat chested dancers from chorus girl to star? How does my feminist grown-up self feel about that character now?). I also liked "the ballet song" because I was doing ballet then, and when they sang it, I knew the smell of the rehearsal room, the feel of the barre, the narrow stairway, yes everything was beautiful at the ballet (even though I personally struggled because I didn't pick up choreography quickly, and though graceful "with lovely ballet hands" I was somewhat uncoordinated and awkward, no it wasn't paradise...). And I got it. I even used to dance around the living room. I also related to the tales of broken homes and divorced parents and escaping to ballet/performance as a means out. 

And as I grew up and listened, and re-listened, and listened again, to the cassette of the cast recording, the music changed and meant different things. Suddenly I was twelve, and thirteen, and unsure. Still, I knew I wanted to be a performer. I had the drama teacher that made me feel "nothing". I was short. I had no boobs. I actually lived the knee injury bit. Had a doctor tell me I would never dance again. What happens when you can't perform anymore? You crawl into a ball and suffer through depression for two years, and don't come out until you start performing again. 

And then I wanted to get married and live in the 'burbs and have a stable life. And then the stupid boy broke my heart, and changed my life because I was so mad at him, and so heartbroken that I had no choice but to pursue my original dream. While training I saw Donna McKechnie perform live, the woman whose voice I had listened to a million times. Give me somebody to dance for! The woman is in her seventies and she's still got it. I saw Marvin Hamlisch (may he be resting in musical theatre heaven) conduct the London Symphony Orchestra playing a medley of songs from A Chorus Line. And I gave up everything I ever knew to move across the world to study at a crazily expensive school, have my self-esteem torn to shreds, and be told I should "reconsider" this career choice. But you have this little persistent voice inside your head that says I DON'T WANT TO AND CAN'T DO ANYTHING ELSE. THIS. IS. IT. And sometimes you just have to ignore the naysayers and the statistics and the struggle that is auditioning and putting yourself out there and honing your craft and praying "Oh, god I need this job!" Not just for money, but for my soul. 

So it's no secret that I'm emotionally invested in this show. For me, A Chorus Line is THE show. It's the reason I became a performer. It's the reason I'm obsessed with musical theatre. It's the inspiration that keeps me going. And tonight, seeing it performed to almost utter perfection in London was astonishingly wonderful, inspiring, and uplifting. 

The end. 

An Ode to Willesden Green

Dear Willesden Green
Our time together
Is coming to an end
My lease is just about up
And soon I'll be moving
To another part of London

But before I go
I wanted to say
Thank you

For pretty little flat
The first place
Where I lived alone
Finally had
As I had always desired
A room of my own
With a window seat
Overlooking the rooftops of London
A space where I felt safe
And free to sing
And play flute
And not worry that anybody was listening
The first place where I had the
Luxury of an entire
Fridge and kitchen
And bathroom to myself
Could put utensils
Wherever I wanted them
Arrange the fridge
As I saw fit
Not worry that a flatmate
Was having thirty minute showers
And making me late

Speaking of showers
Willesden Green
The place where I was
Properly introduced
To the reality
Of living in an old city
Where the plumbing
Is antiquated
And the water pressure
On the third floor
Almost non-existent
Particularly when it's freezing outside
And the water pressure
Is intentionally reduced
To stop the pipes from exploding
And I literally
Had to shower in a bucket

Thank you for my park
Hilly and pretty
No matter the season
With its duck pond
And playground
And rose garden
Close enough for quick 4km runs
Big enough for longer runs

Thank you for the plethora of shops
And the library
Even if it often felt dank
And under-loved
For the internet cafe
Always open and
Staffed by lovely Polish immigrants
Who are always smiling

For your proximity to the city
And wonderfully efficient
Jubilee Line
Which one day was experiencing
"Severe delays"
And still had me home
Fifteen minutes later

For being the first home
In my life
That I was able to leave
And come back to
To find it all my things
Just as I had left them

I'll be sad to pack up my suitcases
And say goodbye
But I'm ready
For the next adventure
To begin.

Let Them Eat Cake

Wandering around the
Real Food Markets
At Southbank
And eating fresh
And garlicky
Bruschetta
And a falafel wrap
And hot cider
And a chocolate brownie
For dessert
With a lovely
Kindred spirit
And relishing the melting pot of cultures
You
An Australian/Spanish person
Living in London
Eating
Moroccan and Italian and English foods
With a Russian/South African/Australian
Who lives in France
And you think
This is precisely
The life
I wanted to lead

The end.

Just Keep Swimming

Today
I went house hunting
And discovered an area
Of London
I have not yet frequented
And stumbled upon a jail
And a depressing park

I went for a run
And it hurt
But I did it anyway

I met a lovely Australian
Who is having adventures
Because her passport was stolen
And we shared dinner
In my favourite
Covent Garden haunt

I went to work
And met a young boy
Who had bought his
Soft toy crocodile
To the show
It's name was Crockie
Which we agreed
Was a very suitable name
For a crocodile
By interval
The young boy was yawning
He giggled and looked sheepish
When I asked if he thought
Crockie would make it
To the end of the show

I walked to Green Park
Because the stations
Closer to the theatre
Were packed with people
Out enjoying a Friday night
I passed no less than three people
Sleeping on the streets
And wished there was more
I could do

Sometimes there is negative
Amidst the lovely
And sometimes you
Just have to breathe
And keep on swimming

The end.

Tuesday Morning

Sometimes
All you need
Is to sit
With a lovely
Group of women
And meditate
And cut out magazines
And glue pictures
To paper
And share delicious food
And go along your way
Knowing you are
Surrounded by lovely
And are
Not alone
In the Great Struggle
That is London

The end.

Happy New Year!

'Tis the Year of the Snake
And combined
With the thirteenth year
This new year
Is considered by some
To be an omen of bad luck

But in some traditions
The snake is representative of
Inner power
And thirteen is the number
Of enlightenment
And change

Today
Despite the cold and wet
Londoners were out
En masse
Celebrating the Chinese New Year
Chinatown was packed
With queues out the door
Of every restaurant
The pedestrianized streets
Filled with people
Waving paper dragons
And popping crackers
And even with the dreary weather
The mood was festive and bright

Tonight it snowed
The cold weather
Finally paying off

To choose
To not buy into fear
And superstition
To choose to believe
It can and does get better
To make sense of
And make use of
One's own inner power
To learn
And seek
And grow
And be at peace with myself
That is the new year
I want to celebrate

The end.

Money Matters

My friend said tonight

Never let money get in the way

Of the right decision 

Despite not having

Very much at all in the bank account

Once rent and food and bills comes out

I'm looking at pretty much 0

I'm lucky

I've never wanted for a roof over my head

Or food in my belly

Or wonderful experiences in life

Learning to cook

Has been vastly helpful 

And

I am surrounded by people willing to help

Like when I was accepted into Central

I didn't have the money for the fees

So I worked two jobs

I taught meditation

I did fundraisers

And still I didn't have enough

And I actually withdrew my acceptance

And a dear friend

A guardian angel 

Said,

Here is what you need 

Or when I was living in London

And studying at drama school 

And I had enough in my bank account

To either pay my fees

Or pay my rent

Not both

And I thought I was going to have to leave 

And a stranger

Whom I had never met

Donated money to the school

And granted me a scholarship

Which allowed me to stay 

And finish the course

Or when I was job hunting

And down to the last pennies in my bank account

And I wondered how I was going to pay the next month's rent

And I landed a job

That exactly covered my rent and bills 

The self-help gurus say

You attract what you want

You can be abundant 

And wealthy 

If you so choose

I am wealthy

In ways that count

More than monetarily

So although I am not financially rich

Working hard

And doing what I need to do

And trusting that things will work out in the end

Have paid dividends 

And so

For the next adventure

What am I willing to believe

And trust

For how the next chapter will work

Financially? 

The end.