Getting Married (Part 4)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

I love a good wedding

All my friends will tell you

I’m the first to cry at them

Be there to sing and dance and by merry

And celebrate the legal uniting of 

Two souls

I’ve been to weddings in gardens

On farms 

In churches

I’ve had the privilege of speaking at weddings

And singing in the ceremony

I love watching friends and family

Declare love

To their loved ones 

And for my own wedding

I wanted exactly no part of the circus

I’ve been engaged once before

We started preparing a wedding

Picked a date, went dress shopping, drafted lists, looked at venues

Learnt that the minute you mentioned

“Wedding” instead of “party”

The prices instantly doubled 

I discovered that 

Every. Person. In. The. World.

Has. An. Opinion.

And if you don’t listen to, and follow through, with their 

Sage advice

You will be DOOMED

Or offend, insult, or have yourself struck from the family tree. 

Instead of perusing wedding magazines

And blogs

Or attending fairs and conventions

Or sitting with girlfriends and sisters over coffee

Discussing details

I read about the history of weddings

Trying to understand 

What bought us to this level of crazy

I discovered that, in its earliest days,

The Christian church abhorred marriage

And declared celibacy was the only way to spiritual truth 

That marriages throughout history

Have been about the economic empowerment of men

And a means of controlling women

Their bodies

And reproduction

Committed by Elizabeth Gilbert

Was the most readable 

The traditions didn’t speak to me 

The white dress, the rings, the vows,

Bows on chairs. 

I hate, with a strange passion, chairs covered with white fabric and bows. 

I just wanted to marry my love

And live happily ever after the end. 

I begged my first fiance to elope 

Save the trouble and expense and drama

Instead we broke up. 

Nearly three years later

I nervously told Aaron

I didn’t actually want a wedding

He was thrilled. 

And so after a very long wait
And most of the year apart
We finally became husband and wife.

We got married on a Monday 

Because it was the first day we could

After applying for the marriage license. 

I wore a dress 

I’ve worn a hundred times 

And will hopefully wear a hundred times more 
Aaron wore a collared shirt 

We both wore smiles. 

We drove to the town hall in Aaron’s car

We walked inside the building

And because we live in Colorado

We did not require witnesses

We did not require a ceremony

Just the intention to be legally bound

We signed our names

Sealed it with a kiss, and, 

We were married.

We called our families
Wrote to our friends
And shared a dinner that we cooked together
It was quiet and lovely
And outside, the snow was glistening. 

The end. 

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 

Getting Married (Part 3)

An artistic representation of what I looked like. From here.

Part 1  Part 2 

Forty dollars,

And another form where I fill out

Every address that I have lived at

Since I was 16,

And twenty-four hours later

I receive an email to say my police background check

Is clear

And the certificate is on its way.

A week later it arrives

I book the courier

To collect my passport

Police certificate

And prayers for a speedy return

The courier collects the parcel

See you in 4-5 weeks

He says.

No.

I say.

I want to see you walking in that door with my passport and visa by the end of the week. Got it? 

He laughs. 

He doesn't get it. 

It takes the Embassy three days to process receipt of my passport.

Then nothing changes for almost three weeks.

My status reads "Ready"

It has been "Ready" since before the interview.

I lose my voice

Develop a horrible cough

I want to stay in bed and never get out.

I must be miserable to be around

I don't care.

Get me out of this limbo. I'm done. I've been waiting for 10 months.

I feel pathetic. Ten months is nothing in the grand scheme of things.

I take my first sick day since arriving in London.

I cannot face work or people or getting out of my pajamas.

Every time I've skyped Aaron in the last few days I cry. Sob uncontrollably.

I'm sick of my love being trapped behind a screen.

At 5pm the status changes.

"Administrative processing"

The stories on visa journey* are frightening.

Some people have gotten to this part of the process

And waited another year.

I feel utterly hopeless.

Another week rolls by.

Everyone is being optimistic and supportive

The system doesn't care. I am nothing. I am not human.

I am six numbers and an alien.

"Approved".

Wait, what?!

We check the website repetitively to make sure it hasn't changed.

Two days later I receive a tracking number from the courier.

My passport is on its way.

I'm headed to my love.

And after 10 months, and three weeks...

I'm on the plane! I'm on the plane! I'M ON THE PLANE! 

In ten hours I'll be with my love! 

The head of the cabin crew announces that we'll soon be landing in Denver

It is minus 10 degrees celcius outside

Every passenger does a double take

We are the only plane landing at this time

The customs queue is short

I have read that I may be taken to a separate room for my customs interview

I am called

The officer doesn't make eye contact

I hand over my passport

And a thick sealed envelope from the embassy

Containing all my documents

X-rays, police certificates, birth certificates

And every address I have lived at since I was 16. 

Right thumb on the screen please Miss Lyons. 

(Right thumb on the screen). 

When did you last leave the United States Miss Lyons? 

I left at the end of August...

Silence. 

I was here on a J1. For camp.

I know. 

I laugh a little. He has still not made eye contact. 

Four fingers of your right hand please Miss Lyons. 

(Four fingers of my right hand on the screen). 

You know you have 90 days to marry.

Yep! 

He doesn't look up. He stamps my passport, places the envelope in a pile. 

Congratulations. Thank you Miss Lyons. NEXT. 

The world is covered in snow

And I'm with my love

Everything is going to be WONDERFUL! 

Now we just have to get married! 

Read the final installment of Getting Married HERE! 

Part 1, Part 2, Part 4

*VisaJourney is an immensely useful, and free, website about the American immigration process. 

Getting Married (Part 2)

The US Embassy, London 

(Read Part 1 here)

The interview date has been set!
Next week I'll be with my love!
THE WAIT IS OVER!
The morning is bright and blue skied
It makes me nervous
Big events of my life usually happen in the rain.

I arrive at the Consulate
A folder two inches thick with paper under my arm
Duplicate copies of my application
Forms forms forms
DS160, I-134, medical report, birth certificates
Police certificate dated within the last six months
Passports
American standard passport pictures
Affidavits of support
Pictures
Evidence.

The check-in takes half an hour
I am given a ticket
I sit with a man from Manchester and a woman from Cambridge
His wife is in Austin
Coincidentally, so is Cambridge's husband
We have all been waiting 9-10 months for this day

We watch the sanitised images
Of the United States of America
Flash across the big screen at the end of the room

America knows how to put on a show

The Aaron Copland-esque soundtrack triumphantly plays across the heads of the waiting 

America. Innovation. Diversity. See all that America has to offer. 
My heart aches for my love and the land that will soon be my home.
I check my ticket number again. I110.
I101. I102. I103.
An hour later I am called to the window.

The woman behind the window is being trained.
She has never seen the software before and is being walked through
Step by step,
Click by interminable click,
The man training her is patient.
They are both kind and full of smiles.
I try to remember to breathe.
Page by page I hand over my documentation.

DS160, I-134, medical report, birth certificate

Police certificate dated within the last six months

Passports

American standard passport pictures

Affidavits of support

Please write your name on the back and sign here.
I am shaking. My mouth is dry.
Your application looks great Miss Lyons!
I smile.

The man asks for my Australian police certificate.
My heart and stomach simultaneously drop to the floor.
I don't have one.
He says I need a police check for every country I have lived in for more than two years from when I was sixteen.
Where does it say that?!
I ask him,
Where does it say that? The website asks for a police check dated within the last six months.*
He shrugs. It's very clear.
I am crying. No where does it say you need a police check from every country you have lived in for more than two years from the time you were sixteen.
Don't worry. It won't delay your application. 
But I won't get my visa today?
No. But it won't take long. That's all you need. 
I am so frustrated I want to scream.
Do you know how long it takes to get a piece of paper mailed from Australia?!
I wanted to leave yesterday. March. January.
They take my passport and pile of papers.
I am told to go and wait in the waiting area until my number is called again.

I sit and sob.
A man offers to get me a tissue.
I cannot speak.
Another hour passes. The video is back to the beginning.

America. Innovation. Diversity. See all that America has to offer. 

I am called to another window.

The woman is kind and full of smiles.

I am still crying. 

Okay Miss Lyons. Do you still intend to marry Aaron? 

I nod through tears. 

I need you to say it out loud honey. 

Yes. Yes. A thousand times yes. 

She smiles. Great. I'm just going to ask you a few questions. 

How did you meet Aaron? 

She has tissues ready. 

Your application looks great, honey. It's all approved except for the police check. So once we have that we're good to go. 

She hands me back my passport and a list of instructions. 

Outside the sky is still infuriatingly blue.

*The immigration website has since been updated to reflect these changes.

Part 1, Part 3, Part 4

Getting Married (Part 1)

A sample of the paperwork. Sorry trees. 

In November 2012
Over the slight crackle of
Another late night skype
We decided that if this long distance
Romance
Was going to continue
We needed to be together
On the same continent
And to do that, we needed to get married

In January
The air was cold
The trees were bare
We were warm and happy
In the cabin in the woods
And submitted our forms
For a K1 visa - the fiance visa
So we could be together.

I returned to London
With hope in my heart
My lease was due to finish in March
And we (rather optimistically) hoped it would be done and dusted by then
Save moving twice

The end of January rolled by
And then all of February
My lease expired
I moved to Ruislip in the middle of a snow storm

Every day I skyped my love
We sent emails and messages
Across the Atlantic
I love you
Today is the day!

I went to work
And ate and slept
And everyday checked the status of our application
And we heard
Precisely nothing

By April
I was feeling angsty
And angry and depressed
I was underpaid and
Under-appreciated at work
The Camino called
I quit my job
And left

On the 1st of May
My blue backpack and I
Went for a long walk
Started in France
Up and over the glorious Pyrenees
And into Spain

A month of walking
Waking, walking
"Pacing in a straight line"
Eating and sleeping
And talking to my love
And asking the universe
Please, please, please
Let TODAY be the day we hear something!

At the end of the walk
Still nothing
Not a word

I went back to England
Miserable, frustrated
Sick and tired
Anemic from a month in a country that actively despises vegetarians
Chilled by the coldest Spanish May in fifty years.

I needed a visa for camp
And went to the Consulate
Armed with paperwork
To show I would return to the UK
Even though I didn't want to.
The officer asked
Precisely nothing.
Three days later
I was on a jetplane
Headed for my love

Two months of summer
Bliss
Green leaves shimmering on the trees
Blue sky.
In the middle of rehearsal
We got the letter! It's been approved!
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry
The kids all cheered

The rehearsal had to continue

August. Now we'll know.
They've approved it.
Not long to go now.
A month at most.
Re-send all the documentation, and myself, to London.

September.
Not a word from the Consulate
Or the processing centre

Tiny nuggets of information
Discovered by combing forums
Stumbling across websites
More fees
More forms

The process has now been digitized.
Re-submit all the documentation, line by line

Online

The help line cannot help
Please register online
I submit my information to yet another website
My case now has 6 reference numbers
I still cannot speak to a human
The automated email responds
Please check the website
The homepage leads to a FAQ page
The FAQ page leads to a status page
The status page leads back to the homepage
I still have no information
All of September passes by
Then all of October
The leaves begin to change colour
And finally drop
We switch the heating on.

I'm living in comfort
I can work while I wait
I'm not fleeing war
Or famine
Or dire circumstances
Life is fine

But I want to be with my love
And the wait
Is awful.

Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Love, Actually

There is a couple in the foyer
The wife is crying
The husband lifts the hood of her jacket
Kisses her forehead and laughs

They come up to the kiosk
And the husband says
"I just gave her the tickets,
She didn't know we were
Seeing the show tonight"
He is grinning from ear to ear

The wife is in shock
She is still crying a little
Perhaps the husband has been terrible
And he's making up for it
Perhaps he has been away
And this is a surprise date
Perhaps he has told her
A hundred times
"We're not going to the bloody theatre
It's too expensive"
And all the while has been saving
To buy her a ticket

The husband asks for a program
The wife looks at it like it might bite her
She is not sure what is happening
The husband buys the program
He offers to hold it
"So you won't get it soggy
With your tears
Love"

At the interval
The wife looks more relaxed
She buys a fridge magnet
"Isn't it a wonderful show?"
The husband is still grinning from ear to ear
Secretly proud
His ploy worked

Love, actually
Is everywhere

The end.