A Chorus Line

I first saw A Chorus Line when I was ten years old. It was the first musical I ever saw live. We had a spare ticket and I remember standing outside the theatre with Mum trying to give the ticket away. We ended up giving it to a lovely lady who had to find a pay phone to tell someone at home she would be late. The next thing I remember is sitting in the theatre, the lady offering me some chocolate, and then the theatre going pitch black. I grabbed Mum's hand because I was scared. The opening refrain, the mirrors shimmering into view, and then, "A 5-6-7-8!" I was transfixed, transported, and utterly sure of what I wanted to do when I grew up.

How does a ten year old from Sydney's leafy North Shore resonate with a musical about struggling dancers in New York? What was it that grabbed me? The swearing and many of the stories went way over my head. I liked Diana. I liked her because the girl playing her had been my Mum's student. I also liked her because she had a good monologue, and because I too was not genetically disposed toward bobsleds. I liked the "tits and ass" girl because she was blunt and straight forward and no nonsense, (Years later I was walking down Park Ave in NYC, and the line "Park and 73rd" kept ringing in my ears, and it cracked me up when I realized where it was from. Is the Good Doctor still working to take flat chested dancers from chorus girl to star? How does my feminist grown-up self feel about that character now?). I also liked "the ballet song" because I was doing ballet then, and when they sang it, I knew the smell of the rehearsal room, the feel of the barre, the narrow stairway, yes everything was beautiful at the ballet (even though I personally struggled because I didn't pick up choreography quickly, and though graceful "with lovely ballet hands" I was somewhat uncoordinated and awkward, no it wasn't paradise...). And I got it. I even used to dance around the living room. I also related to the tales of broken homes and divorced parents and escaping to ballet/performance as a means out. 

And as I grew up and listened, and re-listened, and listened again, to the cassette of the cast recording, the music changed and meant different things. Suddenly I was twelve, and thirteen, and unsure. Still, I knew I wanted to be a performer. I had the drama teacher that made me feel "nothing". I was short. I had no boobs. I actually lived the knee injury bit. Had a doctor tell me I would never dance again. What happens when you can't perform anymore? You crawl into a ball and suffer through depression for two years, and don't come out until you start performing again. 

And then I wanted to get married and live in the 'burbs and have a stable life. And then the stupid boy broke my heart, and changed my life because I was so mad at him, and so heartbroken that I had no choice but to pursue my original dream. While training I saw Donna McKechnie perform live, the woman whose voice I had listened to a million times. Give me somebody to dance for! The woman is in her seventies and she's still got it. I saw Marvin Hamlisch (may he be resting in musical theatre heaven) conduct the London Symphony Orchestra playing a medley of songs from A Chorus Line. And I gave up everything I ever knew to move across the world to study at a crazily expensive school, have my self-esteem torn to shreds, and be told I should "reconsider" this career choice. But you have this little persistent voice inside your head that says I DON'T WANT TO AND CAN'T DO ANYTHING ELSE. THIS. IS. IT. And sometimes you just have to ignore the naysayers and the statistics and the struggle that is auditioning and putting yourself out there and honing your craft and praying "Oh, god I need this job!" Not just for money, but for my soul. 

So it's no secret that I'm emotionally invested in this show. For me, A Chorus Line is THE show. It's the reason I became a performer. It's the reason I'm obsessed with musical theatre. It's the inspiration that keeps me going. And tonight, seeing it performed to almost utter perfection in London was astonishingly wonderful, inspiring, and uplifting. 

The end. 

Idina and Marvin

Imagine you are ten and you dance around the living room with your arms up like this and suddenly you are a grown up living in the city where Mary Poppins comes from and you are sitting in Royal Albert Hall, which is very beautiful, and very big, even for a grown-up. And Marvin Hamlisch, who is the man who wrote A Chorus Line, the first musical you ever saw live, the first musical where you felt that little tingle in the bottom of your stomach telling you, “Oh! That’s what I want to be doing!”, walks out onto the stage which has a full symphony orchestra sitting on it, and he walks up to the podium and all the people in the audience cheer. And he raises his baton, and the people with the instruments know which notes to play and they are the notes to the opening of the song “One” from A Chorus Line. And you hear that familiar refrain and you suddenly feel a bit teary because there is Marvin Hamlisch conducting one of the pieces he wrote, which happens to be from your first proper musical, and here you are in London studying musical theatre and sitting in Royal Albert Hall! 

And a little while later Idina Menzel floats onto the stage in a beautiful white ball gown with a black sash. And she sings “I’m not that girl” from Wicked, and Cole Porter and Lady Gaga and she tells the story about being cast in a little off-Broadway show called RENT and how on the night of the dress-run the writer Jonathan Larson died unexpectedly of an aneurism and she sings a lovely version of No Day But Today and oh god it makes you cry. And your friend passes you a tissue. And then Idina sings For Good acapella and that is very good too. And outside the theatre you get to meet Sir Tim Rice. And he is a very friendly chap. And you can’t quite believe that the man responsible for many of the lyrics that you have sung, listened to, heard over and over since time began, is standing in front of you smiling and shaking your hand and introducing himself as “Tim”.

And then you go and share pizza with a new friend who you met in the audience, and she is lovely. And you float home on London’s wonderfully efficient public transport system and you think “oh my! What a week this has been!” Because the day before you saw a concert at the Barbican where the BBC Symphony Orchestra played a new score as live accompaniment to an old silent film from the 1920s. And it was utterly magical to be transported by an old film made over seventy years ago and even more magical to watch a full symphony orchestra play a delicious score. 

And earlier in the week you were in NYC. And last week you saw two brand new musicals. And you were a guest presenter on your favourite podcast. And in the midst of it all you get to go to school every day to learn more about musicals and be with lovely people who share your joy and your passion and your fun. And you feel very blessed to be surrounded by all this culture, this music, these wonderful people. And you walk home and the moon is shining and the stars are bright and the air is chilly and fresh, and you say, thank you thank you thank you to the powers that be for allowing me to live this life enchanted.  And you crawl into bed at 1.40am and fall asleep smiling. The end. 

Beyond My Wildest Dreams

There once was a little girl in Sydney

And she used to dance around the living room

And it never occurred to her that she wanted to do anything else but be an actress 

But other things got in the way

Like school and boys and 

Other People’s Expectations About What Is A Good and Proper Life 

And so the girl went on her way

And skipped through life

And soon found she was very sad

Because she wasn’t doing what her heart told her she needed to be doing 

And one day she said, “Ohmygod, enough!”

And she packed her bags and hopped on a plane

And found herself on the other side of the planet

And traveling in peak hour and crammed into the tube

With all the three piece suits and briefcases

And people commuting to offices

And the girl thought, 

“These poor unfortunate souls!”

How many of them get to do what she does everyday?

Run around a room and play games and sing songs 

And dance 

And Live The Dream 

Dear People! 

It’s okay to live your dream! 

Why hold onto those doubts all those worries?!

If I don’t I just know I’ll turn back

I must dream of the life I am seeking

I am seeking the courage I’ve lacked

The courage to live life without reliance 

Face my mistakes without defiance

Show them I’m worthy,

And while I show them

I’ll show me! 

Because it IS so exciting

To be out in the world to be free

My heart IS wildly rejoicing

There is nothing the matter with me! 

I made a choice to be happy 

To let go of the angst and the pain and the worry

And I made a choice to go out into the world

And do whatever it is I’m meant to be doing

And hey world, here I am. 

A little girl from Sydney living in London

Spending her days learning all things musical

And it is wonderful.

The end. 

The Life I Lead

to dance around the living room

to watch cyd with her legs up to eternity flirt with gene

who danced in the rain laced with milk

so it would be more visible on camera

to watch yul and deborah

one-two-three-and across the royal palace of what is now Thailand 

but used to be called Siam

etcetera etcetera etcetera!

to have tea with jam and bread on the mountains of austria

maria and mary are your nannies

julie is magical because she sings and dances and appears in two different movies with different coloured hair and rescues the children of europe and england from their sad fathers

just a spoonful of sugar and imagination and pop into the pavement to win races

singing makes everybody happy 

even retired grumpy sea captains

yes sir!

to want to be a part of that world

to be a strong princess

to be like barbara and fiercely independent and capable

just leave everything to meeee

hello dolly, hello dolly, it’s so nice 

to one day find yourself transported

from the land of oz to the rooftops of london 

and all you have to do is click your shiny red shoes together

and wish and pray your life could be enchanted

the end.