Living in the Country

The Lido

I've moved to
Zone 6
The commute is longer
But oh my
It is worth it!
The 500 year old barn
That houses a library
A skip, hop, and a jump away
Down the road
The Lido
Complete with swans
A beach
And a walking trail
Three sets of ancient woodland
Will soon become my
Running route
And my bedroom
Inside a 400 year old house
Is picture postcard pretty
And quaint
Yoga on the slightly uneven floorboards
Sunlight through the square window
And room to breathe

The end.

Just Keep Swimming

Today
I went house hunting
And discovered an area
Of London
I have not yet frequented
And stumbled upon a jail
And a depressing park

I went for a run
And it hurt
But I did it anyway

I met a lovely Australian
Who is having adventures
Because her passport was stolen
And we shared dinner
In my favourite
Covent Garden haunt

I went to work
And met a young boy
Who had bought his
Soft toy crocodile
To the show
It's name was Crockie
Which we agreed
Was a very suitable name
For a crocodile
By interval
The young boy was yawning
He giggled and looked sheepish
When I asked if he thought
Crockie would make it
To the end of the show

I walked to Green Park
Because the stations
Closer to the theatre
Were packed with people
Out enjoying a Friday night
I passed no less than three people
Sleeping on the streets
And wished there was more
I could do

Sometimes there is negative
Amidst the lovely
And sometimes you
Just have to breathe
And keep on swimming

The end.

Where Does Thursday Go?

Today my little little sister
You turned ten.

The day you were born
I rushed to the hospital
And I was your first visitor
And I picked you up
And you snuggled into my shoulder
And it was like you knew I was your
Big big sister
Phoebe-Lulu days
Picnics in the park
Chocolate ice cream in the Botanical Gardens
Hours of painting
And swimming
And introducing you to musicals
Reading stories
Where does Thursday go? 
I love you to the moon, and back

I started uni that year
My whole life changed
A whirlwind of theatre and classes and the library lawn

It seems like a life time ago
Orientation week and Yellow Shirts
Cat Empire concerts at the Metro
Surprise birthday parties
A snapped ACL and knee surgery
(Do you remember visiting me in hospital?
You toddled into the room
Holding a pink geranium)
Broken hearts galore
Becoming vegetarian
Moving out of home
Traveling the world
A broken engagement
Moving to London

It's all happened in the past ten years
I don't know your perspective
Or what you'll remember
I remember turning ten
We had a family picnic at Centennial Park
I got a bike helmet
And my first diary
We had a party
At Death By Chocolate
(now closed, it was decadent
They had plates made out of chocolate)
I remember feeling that
Ten
Was very special
Because I was no longer single digits...
In just under two years
I'll be three times that age
Holy moly!

It makes me laugh
It makes me shake my head in wonder
And I think back
To the moment when I first met you
And it was all just beginning

The end.

The Great Adventure

sourced from Live Inspired

This is a true story
It happened to a friend
Of a friend
Of mine

The end.

Money Matters

My friend said tonight

Never let money get in the way

Of the right decision 

Despite not having

Very much at all in the bank account

Once rent and food and bills comes out

I'm looking at pretty much 0

I'm lucky

I've never wanted for a roof over my head

Or food in my belly

Or wonderful experiences in life

Learning to cook

Has been vastly helpful 

And

I am surrounded by people willing to help

Like when I was accepted into Central

I didn't have the money for the fees

So I worked two jobs

I taught meditation

I did fundraisers

And still I didn't have enough

And I actually withdrew my acceptance

And a dear friend

A guardian angel 

Said,

Here is what you need 

Or when I was living in London

And studying at drama school 

And I had enough in my bank account

To either pay my fees

Or pay my rent

Not both

And I thought I was going to have to leave 

And a stranger

Whom I had never met

Donated money to the school

And granted me a scholarship

Which allowed me to stay 

And finish the course

Or when I was job hunting

And down to the last pennies in my bank account

And I wondered how I was going to pay the next month's rent

And I landed a job

That exactly covered my rent and bills 

The self-help gurus say

You attract what you want

You can be abundant 

And wealthy 

If you so choose

I am wealthy

In ways that count

More than monetarily

So although I am not financially rich

Working hard

And doing what I need to do

And trusting that things will work out in the end

Have paid dividends 

And so

For the next adventure

What am I willing to believe

And trust

For how the next chapter will work

Financially? 

The end. 

What do you do with a BA in English?

Sitting in my robes in Royal Festival Hall
Graduating with a Masters
I feel like I'm six years old playing make believe
The robe keeps slipping off my shoulders
The ridiculous hat keeps sliding down my forehead
It doesn't feel real
This past year. I still can't quite put it into words.

I thought that with my Masters
I would be amazing,
But I still don't feel like I am.
I still can't belt an E
I have worse stage fright now than when I started
I want to be brilliant yesterday
I want to be wonderful super fantastic coolness remarkable
Right now!
What does it mean exactly to "have potential"?
What do they see that I, still, after all this, can't access?

What do I want to be when I grow up?
I want to be Mary Poppins and Maureen Johnson and Miss Honey
I want to sing and dance and act and write
What I really want is to play roles I've written myself
Perform my own material
I want to travel
I want own my own house
I want to live in the same continent as my love
I want to sing and be able to write good music
I want the praise of my superiors and my cohort
I want to feel accepted
I want to be happy within myself and proud of my own achievements

What do you do with a BA in English (/History)?
You travel the world
You fall in love
You have visions of living in happily married bliss on the leafy north shore
And you have your heart broken
And you re-assess
And you say "fuck it".
And you leave everything you know and move to a whole other country
Where everything is the same but different
And you deny that you're experiencing culture shock because you are already
Widely Traveled
and Older than the average student
And have Life Experience

But really, you're still young
You're still at the beginning
Even though actually you're already part of the way
And actually,
No one knows what is next
No idea.
It's what makes people scared, greedy, snide, arrogant
Everything
Because none of us knows what is next
Yes we can dream, we can plan,
VITAL!
But actually, we have no idea
It doesn't scare me
(actually it does, but, in this moment, it's liberating)
I can do whatever I choose.

The Principal of the School at Graduation
Do something every day that scares you
Today, again, I choose to blaze a trail of my own
To remember to stop looking around me and totally freaking out that the other peoples paths look better or different to mine
In the words of Elle Woods
I've got to find my way 
In the words of Sondheim
It's our time, breathe it in, worlds to change and worlds to win

What do you do with a BA in English (/History)?
You get an MA in Music Theatre,
You take a deep breath
And -

Go West

Imagine Two-years-ago-me
Sitting in her room
In suburban Sydney
Wishing hoping for something different
And following Amy Krouse Rosenthal
And being inspired by what she had to say
Her interactive works of art
And flashmobs and acts of kindness and moments centered around
The Bean, Chicago.
And finding
Today Me
Sitting on the grass opposite
The Bean, Chicago
And feeling like
Oh. My. Goodness. Look where we have come!

And sitting in the public park
On a glorious late summer's day
And people watching
There's a family on a picnic blanket
Mom and two sons
All reading books,
There's a grown-up mother and daughter
Just lounging on the grass
Looking up at the sky, the clouds, the shimmer of trees
The mother has white hair and permanent wrinkles around her mouth
The daughter has brown hair and similar, though less pronounced wrinkles,
And every so often the daughter turns her head to her mother.
There's a mother and baby,
The baby is old enough to sit up on her own, but not yet old enough to be forming words
She can hear the band in the distance, but can't quite figure out where the sound is coming from.
The music excites her and she points to the sky and smiles and exclaims,
"Oh!"
She toddles around on the grass, smiles shyly at strangers who smile at her, and occasionally stops to bop along to the distant music-
She is distracted by another baby, a boy a few months older than her,
He is oblivious to her existence but she smiles and waves at him anyway,
"Look at us! We. Are. So. Clever!"

And then finding Today-Me
Sitting in a car
With a patient, loving boy
Driving across the vastness that is America
And seeing all the corn and soybeans and giant billboards
And literally driving into the most glorious of sunsets
Where the sun is an impossible giant orange ball

And suddenly you are in Colorado
And there are mountains in the west
And the streets are wide
And the sky is so incredibly blue
And bands are playing in the small parks
And the lady who sells chocolate honey at the farmer's market is an actual witch
Who knows how to brew concoctions that taste like heaven
And the man from the winery is willing with his samples
And the fruit tastes so good you can't believe you ever lived without it
And you breathe in the warm dry air
And you wonder
What is next on the adventure?

The end.

Storm Time

from http://www.wfsb.com/ 

I love storms.

The smell,

The fizzle crackle in the air,

And the sound of rain.

But tonight I was nervous. 

Warnings of flash floods and tornadoes across the state,

And being a grown-up in a place of children,

I felt a responsibility. 

A couple of the campers I work with

Are afraid of storms,

And I came across one of my theatre babies

In the theatre,

Huddled over

Tense and barely breathing.

I sat with her,

Offered my hand

And she clasped it tight.

And every time the thunder roared

She held her breath and shivered.

We sat together,

And chatted through the storm.

I joked about singing My Favorite Things

It seemed appropriate. 

And we giggled at the thought of becoming the cliche. 

And to help her breathe

I told her breathing deeply would be like practicing diaphragm exercises. 

If she wanted to play Elphaba, she’d better get practicing. 

It made her laugh. She breathed, and trembled a little less with every thunder clap. 

The storm passed. 

I ended up sitting in the Music Shed with a couple of campers

And my friend with a beautiful wooden flute.

Occasional patters of rain danced across the roof.

My friend played his flute.

And I felt calm. 

And I felt that this is what being a grown-up must be like.

To be put your own fears aside

And help the smaller ones around you. 

The end. 

Just Around the Riverbend

A year ago today I knew I was moving to London but I didn’t know how

A year ago today my best friend was despairing that he would never meet someone and in six months he’s getting married. 

A year ago today I had no idea what 2011 would bring but I knew it would be exciting.

And it was. It was exciting. It was lovely. It was hard. It was emotional. It was inspiring. It was draining. It was everything I had hoped it could be and so much more. 

I met my heroes. I fell in love. I moved to a whole other country. 

And here we are on the brink of 2012. 

The Occupy Movement is rustling. 

I have six months left at school. 

Another trip to America is on the cards. 

After that? Who knows? 

They say that 2012 was the end of the Mayan calendar

That the end of the world is nigh. 

But I choose to believe it's all about to change. 

There is a shift, a quickening, a change in the air,

And I’m not quite sure what it holds.

But I breathe, and trust, and light, and love,

And know that something’s just around the riverbend.

Because something’s coming. Something good. 

Could be. Hold still.

This is the beginning. 

LA-NYC-MA-ACK

And you find yourself on a mountain. And over to your left is the Hollywood sign, unfocused and blurry not from romantic screens over the camera but from the haze that covers the sprawling city. But still the view is pretty and surprises you because there is more green than you ever expected or remembered from your last time in this place. And then you are sitting in a chair that gives you a massage while one lady buffs and files and paints your nails while another buffs and files and paints your toenails and suddenly you are in a restaurant which serves the best quality food and it makes you happy to know that there is a place that values organic whole foods too. It even has a name here. Macrobiotics. And you spend time with friends and you play games with dice in red cups and you work together to save yourselves from the sinking island and capture the treasure and escape before it's too late and because there are more of you playing you can't quite figure out how to do it and the game sinks you twice.

And suddenly you are on the other side of the country watching the Tony Awards in Brooklyn. And it is nice to be with people who have even been to see some of the shows, let alone know what the Tony Awards are. And then you are standing on the High Line, a disused railway line that is now a garden. And it really is delightful to walk above the New York hustle and bustle and be amongst the greenery. And then you are in Central Park, and the Frick Museum, and then you are walking across the Brooklyn Bridge and you find yourself in a little shop drinking hot chocolate spiced with chili and cinnamon and nutmeg because although it is the beginning of summer this afternoon is a little cold with a constant drizzle of rain and it is perfect weather for spicy hot chocolate and little hand-made chocolates.

And then you are in Boston. And you are with your cousin. And although she is several years younger than you, and you grew up continents apart, she gets you. She understands. She is like you. And it is nice to be with a kindred spirit. And you eat pizza with goat's cheese and fig and caramelized onion. And you sit in an Irish-style pub and listen to an Italian musician sing convincing drinking songs, and everyone around you is banging the table with their hands and singing and laughing and even thought the room is dark the mood is light and you enjoy your red wine and your gorgonzola melt and singing and laughing with the rest of them. And then you are in Salem and you marvel at the history of it all and when did that history become a tourist attraction? The cemetery with its old graves makes you shake your head in wonder. A grave from 1692! And you look out at the lake behind Kassie's house and marvel at all the events that have brought you to this place, this whole year-and-a-half of events, and you are glad that you are here with this beautiful friend overlooking a beautiful lake.

 

And then you find yourself on Nantucket. And you are with Los Titos de Nantucket. And they make you feel so at home, so welcome. And although there are many memories here, you feel OK. And it surprises you to feel OK. And it makes you feel better. And you wander around town and feel joy in all the flowers and the prettiness of the place. And you are walking along the beach looking out to the Atlantic. And all around you are shells - the flat mother-of-pearl ones are Indian currency. The round stripy ones are scallop shells and remind you of the Camino, but these are smaller. There are rocks and shells of every colour and the sand alternates between soft and rough and you watch a seagull picking its way through a fresh crab. And as you get closer, the gull picks up its lunch and moves further down the beach, lest you try to steal his catch of the day. 

And you breathe in the salty air. And on the ferry you toss two pennies overboard, just past the lighthouse, to make sure you will return. And as you approach the lighthouse you inspect the pennies and discover that there is a penny for each of the years your sisters were born, the older and the younger, and you think that is a nice touch of coincidence. Your family are with you wherever you go. And you hope that by throwing those pennies up into the air and sparkling down into the water below, they will draw your sisters here, and bring you back too. To this pretty place where you have so many friends and so much delight. 

Leaving Oz

Imagine a girl who wakes up one day to find herself on a plane. And she is somewhere over the Pacific. And she thinks perhaps the events of the past year and a half have only been a dream. Because suddenly it all seems right to be flying in the air towards a new life, heading towards a life of musicals and theatre and being away from the place where she was born and grew. 

And even though this is her third trip away, this trip feels different from the trips before, because now she has the Scarecrow and the Tinman and the Lion by her side. In the past year and a half she has acquired a little more wisdom. She did the meditation course and sometimes it was hard but mostly it was wonderful and she learnt to sit quietly with herself and be still. 

And even though her heart had been shattered into a million thousand pieces, she realised that she had all these wonderful friends around her (And you were there! And you were there!) and she learnt to look after herself and take care of herself which were all very important. And it was heartening to make all these discoveries. 

And in discovering she had a little more wisdom and a little more heart than before, she discovered she had the courage to go out into the world as herself and not be afraid of what other people thought or said or how often they projected their own fears about the creative life onto her being. 

And she made a promise to herself that she would continue to practise as often as possible to have wisdom and heart and courage and remember her friends by her side and to go out into the world and trip the light fantastic.

The end. Sort of.